After birth trauma – why go back over the birth when you can’t change the past?

How you can change your NOW by exploring BACK THEN.


You can’t change what happened in your birth.

People we meet often ask us, “Why ‘go there’?  You can’t change what happened.”

They are right.


you CAN change your understanding of it.

And your insights about the issues surrounding it.

And your level of intensity surrounding it…

and even your relationship with it.

Not overnight, and not without work, but it is possible.

And in doing so, you can change your NOW.

You can change your NOW.

And then…

Your present experience of life can GET BETTER.

Your relationship with your traumatic birth might change.

The way you tell your birth story now may not be the same way you tell it once you have taken the healing journey.

We see it all the time – the more women learn and discover about birth and traumatic birth, the more they are able to see their birth in its true light…and see themselves in their true light.

In changing your relationship with your birth, you change the way you talk about it to others, especially within your own family, and especially with your own children.

The process of discovering this may lead you to weave a new story about birth for your entire family.

So no, you can’t change the past.

But by exploring aspects of it with the right support, asking the right questions, and having the right information…

You have the potential to significantly improve your present (and your future too!).

We’ve seen it happen.

Birth trauma is real. And it IS possible to heal.

(PS. Many women find it helpful to engage the support of a health professional to explore aspects of their birth, so we recommend this, especially if you are finding it hard right now. Remember that it might not be the right time, right now, to explore this aspect, and that’s ok too. But when you do feel ready, we recommend finding appropriate professional support to take this step. xx)

©Melissa Bruijn and Debby Gould,

Debby Gould (left) & Melissa Bruijn

Debby Gould and Melissa Bruijn are founders of, where, for 15 years, they have supported women in healing from a traumatic birth, and guided them towards empowering and positive subsequent births. They are also authors of new book, “How to Heal a Bad Birth: making sense, making peace and moving on.”



PS. Want to change your relationship with birth after a traumatic birth? The steps we recommend include:

1. Understanding the nature of birth trauma and the healing journey

2. Understanding what happened in your own birth using our Birth Breakdown tool, and writing your story

3. Exploring the feelings you are dealing with right now, whether that be anger, or sadness, or guilt, or failure, or issues with your partner and understanding why these feelings are normal and experienced by so many women around the world after birth trauma 

4. Processing these feelings using our Tools for Healing


We go through ALL these steps and more in our book, “How to Heal a Bad Birth: making sense, making peace and moving on.

Available in paperback, Kindle and iBooks at




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