Once again, a woman commenting on this blog has expressed views that could be offensive & insensitive to those recovering from the impact of birth. We again considered ignoring the comment, but as we see so many similar viewpoints on various forums, chatlists, websites and blogs that go unchecked and unchallenged, we have chosen to address the myths, misconceptions and hurtful assumptions that this woman has raised.
How this all started
Some readers commented on our blog that they feel robbed and ‘less of a woman’ as a result of their caesarean births. One woman says, “I can no longer talk to my parents about the births of my two daughters as I get the same thing…healthy mother, healthy baby. I am not healthy. I have not entirely healed. My surgical birth openings may be less sensitive but my heart and mind still feel the pain. I still feel robbed of the natural birth experience and sometimes feel “less of a woman”. I feel my girls were also robbed of the natural rite of passage and were “taken” instead!!
Another woman shared those sentiments, writing, “The not wanting to talk about certain things, and the feeling that my son was “taken.” I had a cesarean, also. I … ALSO get the “Well you should be glad they did a cesarean because the baby was in distress!” Yeah, he was in distress, from the pitocin contractions, and I never should have let anyone induce me. ..So, needless to say, I don’t talk much about the birth to my MIL or her friends or anything like that, and I try not to talk about other things. Their remarks remind me that I wasn’t happy with labor/delivery, and it makes my blood boil.”
A disagreement of feelings
These comments then received the following response by another woman :
Hi ladies, as a mother who had a emergency cesarean, i would just like to express my disagreement of feelings. I don’t understand how you could feel “less of a woman” or “robbed” of the experience of vaginal birth? i was dreading it. I was induced, failed to progress past 8cm, and had emergency C section and i feel that cesarean was the best outcome possible for me and baby!! A positive is my vagina is still intact lol. I think that maybe you view your experience too negatively.. i mean i didn’t have the worst birth ever (eg. broken tail bone that one of my friends experienced and a billion vaginal stiches) but it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. 18.5hrs of labour (thank u science for epidural, couldn’t have gone the whole way otherwise) But i feel that either way it wouldn’t have been fun! It all involves pain which ever way they exit. If i was back in the ‘old days’ one or both of us would have died!! They think that my pelvic shape may have something to do with it and doc said next time i will probably have to have cesarean again. I did feel that the whole thing was traumatic for me, like now and then i have flashbacks, but all of the pain and suffering gets almost forgotten with that one prescious moment of the doctor holding my baby girl up over the curtain and my partner and i bursting into tears of happiness …that is when i had known i had done it. She was out and alive and so was I, and I felt a real sense of accomplishment. We had made a beautiful baby and she was healthy. Now if you ladies cant tell me that you felt that feeling, of success seeing your baby out, alive and well, i believe that you are selfish. Selfish because you aren’t really caring about what is important- that babies well being! Would having that baby come out dead from your vagina because that is what is “supposed to happen” make you feel better? NO!! And having a traumatic birth only makes you a stronger person, learn from it.. it makes other things in life seem less painful. If people judge you because of a cesarean then that is ridiculous. No one has ever made me feel any less than what i am..a wonderful mother. People will always throw advice at you, but take it with a pinch of salt, they always think their way is best. But only you know what is best for your baby.. Mentally, having my baby was the scariest and most challenging thing i’ve ever done. I proudly tell my birth story to my friends and other people, because its MY story and its what happened to me. I am not ashamed, i am no less of a woman than my mother who had me vaginally. I am not weaker because i had to have a cesarean. I just thank god for what i have… An beautiful baby girl, and my own healthy and functioning body.
Jacinta
Birthtalk.org’s reply
Below is Birthtalk.org’s reply to Jacinta. We have chosen to address her statements in segments, for ease of reading…
